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How do you know when to intervene in your kids’ problems and when to let them sort it out on their own?
As mom of a 3-year-old, I’m just beginning to grapple with this question. Until now, it’s been my job to be protector, comforter and provider of nearly all things. But as she gets older, I know that I need to focus more on teaching her how to resolve problems on her own and giving her the space to exercise the muscles needed to do so. I also know that over time this will become more and more important, for her and for me.
Problem is- it’s kind of hard.
A few days ago, we went to one of those indoor play places- the ones where they have lots of toys and activities and the kids play and the moms (try to) sit and relax a little. She pretended to manage her indoor garden or grocery shop or cook dinner in the play kitchen, and I struggled to figure out how involved I should be. -
The struggle to keep your cool as a parent.
Have you ever watched those nature shows on television about animals in the wild? I love the ones with the mamas and their babies. Not too long ago, I saw one about a mama bear and her little cubs. They all (including mom) looked so cute and cuddly, until some other animal messed with them. My, how quickly things changed! Mom was immediately on her two back legs, lunging, clawing, and snarling, looking terrifyingly angry. She effectively sent the message that she is not to be messed with, especially when it came to her cubs.
Sometimes, I feel like that mama bear, too.
A few years ago, my son was attending a day camp. The camp went on a field trip, and there was a “miscommunication of sorts” between my son and the camp counselors regarding eating lunch. Long story short, he had his lunch with him but didn’t eat it when he was supposed to (he said he never heard them give instructions to eat), and when he asked to eat later, he was told that he couldn’t, and that he had missed lunch and lunchtime was over. -
Dr. Simms-Cendan answers: “When should I take my teenage daughter to the gynecologist?”
Many parents wonder when they should take their daughter to a gynecologist. Is it with their first period? Is it when they become sexually active? When do they need a pap smear? Some women dread their own appointments and worry their daughters will have a traumatic experience. Well, the good news is that gynecologic care for adolescents has come a long way, and teens can be provided with important information in a sensitive and caring way, and many girls do not even need a pelvic exam!
What’s Normal?
First, let me cover a bit of what’s normal. Most girls begin breast development around 10-11 years of age, and the average age girls start their periods in the U.S. is about 12.5 years. Most girls will bleed 5-7 days and cycles occur every 25-40 days. If a girl hasn’t started her period by age 14, she should be evaluated, and although some girls just need more time, others may have a real problem. Many girls have irregular menses for the first 2-4 years after they start their periods, but if a girl has been bleeding more than 10 days per month, they should be evaluated to prevent problems with anemia. I’ve seen girls who have bled for 6 months before seeing a gynecologist and some have been so anemic by then that they required blood transfusion. Most girls will notice an increase in menstrual cramps about two years after they start their periods, as this is when they start to actually ovulate. Severe cramps so that a girl is missing school are not normal and she should also be seen. Finally, if a girl has had regular menses and then the menses become irregular, skipping months or becoming more frequent, she should also be evaluated. Sometimes there is a hormonal disorder that needs to be evaluated. -
Putting Acceptance to the Test
Back in February, Susie Raskin wrote a great blog called “ and she talked about creating a balance between wanting the best for our children, encouraging them to achieve and allowing them to find their own path. When I read her post, I thought I should write about what it’s like to parent a young adult and put my good intentions about acceptance to the test as he makes his own choices. The truth is, though, I have been in the midst of NOT accepting my son’s choices and trying to rationalize my thinking. And now here I am, more than six months later, still wrestling with the dilemma.
Teaching your children to think for themselves is a good thing, right?
When Brandon first came to live with us, he would often try really hard to please us. We were concerned about it because we didn’t want him to feel like he had to be good enough to be our child. This can be a hazard for children who are adopted, especially if they are adopted after infancy when they can remember being in temporary care with relatives or a foster family. In those early days, he would try to be “really good” and he usually succeeded. However, there were times when he would get stressed or upset and melt down into a tantrum or fit of rage. After we came out the other side of those episodes, we intentionally reassured him and made sure we talked about us being a forever family, saying we were going to stick together no matter what. -
Why I’m a different parent to my second child than my first
My son was born three months ago, and already I’m amazed how different the experience has been with my second child than it was with my first. The first time around, I don’t think I could reliably recite my own name and address for the first few months. Much of that first year my brain felt like a mess of scrambled eggs- like someone had shaken up my whole life until I no longer could tell which way was up. I went to work, I took care of my family and life went on, but I lived in a fog of emotions and exhaustion.
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Get to know Dr. Eslin and Dr. Amy Smith, pediatric oncologists at Arnold Palmer Hospital
Cancer tries to take the joy of childhood away. No one is better at fighting childhood cancer than our specialists at Arnold Palmer Hospital. Orange TV recently aired a 30-minute show all about childhood cancer. The show featured Arnold Palmer Hospital cancer specialists Dr. Don Eslin and Dr. Amy Smith, along with Whitney Goldstein, a young cancer survivor treated at Arnold Palmer Hospital.
Get to know our pediatric oncologists and learn more about childhood cancer, here:
Video source: Healthy Connections - Childhood Cancers
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How do you know when you’ve crossed the line from effective parenting to control freak?
Growing up, it seemed like most of the parents I knew were struggling simply to manage the basics for their kids. Perhaps it was where and with whom I was raised, but it stands out to me in stark contrast to my parenting peers today. We aren’t struggling for the basics, but we are certainly struggling.
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Learning to let them fly
Am I an overparent-er?
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Listen up! How to effectively communicate with your teen
A few weeks ago, I was at work (I’m a counselor with the Teen Xpress program). I sat there, speaking with Mike*, an eighteen year old male. He is someone that I’ve worked with in the past, providing counseling on various issues; relationships, coping skills, and stress management. On this day, we were talking about family dynamics and stress… particularly stress that he was feeling in regards to his relationship with his parents.
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How to build self-esteem in your child
As parents, we want everything for our kids. We want them to be safe, happy and confident. We want them to believe in themselves and never give up. We want them to succeed and feel proud of themselves. We want them to have good self-esteem.